Complaining Right Off The Bat

Fabian threw open the door to his new room, groaning loudly as he pulled a large suitcase behind him.

"That was the worst trip ever!" he cried, tossing a rucksack onto one of the three empty beds in the room.

"Next time we fly it better be your case that goes missing. We had to wait around for ages until they found my case." He turned in the middle of walking, tripping none-too-gracefully over his feet before catching himself, his green eyes meeting with the mismatched eyes of his companion.

"There are important things in this case. What would I be without my straighteners and makeup? How did I survive without straighteners all those years, Rick? Beauty this great doesn't come naturally." He ran his hand through his perfectly neat blond hair with a little smirk.

"I swear Fabian call me Rick one more time and I'll burn your hair off, then you wont have a reason to complain about losing your God damn hair straighteners."

The older man grumbled, staring at him dully, his expression thoroughly unamused.

"And next time we fly I will be putting you in a pet carriage instead of paying for your seat, at least I wont have to listen to you whine for five solid hours."

He added, pushing past the man and laying on the nearest vacant bed, pulling a pillow over his head to try and drown out the Elf's bitching.

His hands fluttered around his hair, eyes wide as he stared at his companion.

"You wouldn't..."

If Aurick singed his hair, he'd never hear the end of it. Doing something like that wouldn't get him to shut up, it'd have the opposite effect and cause the Elf to be a lot louder and bitchier.

"I didn't whine for five hours solid." He dropped himself backwards onto the same bed Aurick was on, head colliding with the man's stomach. He wriggled and fidgeted a little until he was comfortable. "I was fairly quite while I was eating."

"Try me."

He growled his words from beneath the pillow, reaching his hand up to pull the middle finger at the Elf, a small flame igniting on the end of it.

The Vampire let out a soft 'Oof' sound as Fabian's head collided with his stomach.

"You bloody liar, I was shocked the food stayed in your mouth considering how much it was flapping about."

"Burning my hair would cause too much trouble."

He raised a hand to uncurl Aurick's fingers then lace them with his own. His bought both hands down to rest on his stomach then began to trace idle patterns on the back of the vampire's hand.

Fabian shrugged, the movement causing his shoulders to dig into Aurick's sides painfully.

"I thought I was being quiet."

"I should of abandoned you back in Peru, jumped on a different flight while you were in the bathroom fixing your hair."

If there was a mirror with in a thousand mile radius Fabian would find it and stare at himself for hours.

Aurick let out an irritated groan and pushed the Elf off of him as his shoulder dug into sides.

"Bugger off."
He grumbled in his usual deep tone, rolling over to bury his head in his pillow, it had been an exhausting trip.

Fabian rolled over and crossed his arms, resting them on the vampire's back, undeterred by being pushed away.

"You wouldn't have left me in Peru. What would life be without your sexy partner always by your side, filling that gloomy silence you always have going on." Rick hardly ever talked unless he was insulting others and Fabian couldn't stand silences so he filled any silence he could with mindless chatter.

"Nope~" he sang, grinning widely.

Aurick let out a nebulous grumble in against his pillow, silently wishing the Elf would spontaneously implode.

"We're not partners Fabian, you're a rather persistent thorn in my side."

When he had taken the child in he had thought it would only be for a few years until he could take care of himself but now where ever he went Fabian followed, not matter how many times he had tried to escape him.

"Gloomy silence sounds preferable right about now."

"I'm a sexy, persistent thorn in your side," he corrected, tilting his head to the side with a little grin, the chains and jewels in his ears jingling.

Now that Rick had claimed his hand back, he began drawing idle patterns on the vampire's clothed back.

"Why would you want gloomy silence when you could talk to me, Rick?" His tone held a whiny note; a note that really drove the vampire up the wall and Bian damn well knew that.

Half the time, annoying his partner was unintentional, but sometimes he did it just because it was amusing. Like right now.

"Talking to you is the reason I want gloomy silence."

He hated the tone, it made him grind his teeth together, ever since he had found the boy all he did was whine, he had hoped he would grow out of it but no such luck.

"And my name is not Rick, for heavens sake I've been telling you that for the past hundred and fifteen years, you would of thought that it would of sunk in by now."

Fabian was an insufferable idiot, Aurick was shocked the Elf knew is own name, let alone half of his.

Fabian pouted.

"Rick, you're so mean. You're never going to get anyone if you're always so mean and you'll be forever alone except me to brighten your otherwise dreary nights." He tapped his fingers against Aurick's back with a grin.

Fabian would always be around to keep the vampire company, even when the vampire didn't want him around.

The Elf gave another shrug. "You'll always be Rick to me, Rick~" Bian smiled brightly, his eyes sliding closed as he kicked his legs in the air idly.

The Vampire growled into his pillow.
"You fail to realize that I don't want anyone so whether or not I am mean is unimportant."

He lifted his head from the pillow to look at the smiling Elf, he glared at Fabian in return and groaned, dropping his face back to his pillow.

"I hate you."
He grumbled, biting into his pillow, it had been a long few days of traveling, only being able to move around at night had made it difficult for them. They had to take multiple short flights to get around instead of one long one.

The experience had left him tired, hungry and more irritable than usual.

"Being alone is boring. When was the last time you actually dated someone? When was the last time you got laid?" Fabian arched a perfectly plucked brow as he waited for an answer.

"Did you ever call Tiffany after I gave you her number? I told you she'd do you. No wait... No, Tiffany was the red-head. I'm thinking about Jane."

The Elf grinned widely when Aurick told him he hated him. "I know. You tell me almost every day."

He had gotten used to his partner telling him he hated him. At first it had stung and hurt him, but after a while he got used to it and now the hateful comment just flew over his perfectly empty head.

"Being alone is peaceful."
He corrected, he liked to be left alone, quite content with his own company.

"No Fabian, I have never once gotten in contact with any of the tarts that you try to partner me with, I am not interested so stop trying."

It seemed the Elf had an endless list of women to try and make him go out with, he had never been successful though.

Aurick could not stand being around people and besides Fabian, no one could stand being around him.

"Being alone is boring."

Fabian always needed someone around. He liked being surrounded by as many people as he could. And, because he couldn't fathom life without people surrounding him, he tried to drag his unwilling partner into socialising.

"One day you'll agree to see someone. And then you might finally get laid and stop being so grumpy all the time."

The Elf was positive Aurick was so grumpy because he hadn't had any good sex in the last century.

"Sod off, Fabian."

He grumbled, rolling over to face away from the Elf, he was always attempting to find him a lover which was the last thing in the world he wanted.

The vampire was extremely anti-social so being carted around by the Elf to meet women was his version of a living hell.

"I'm not grumpy."
He confirmed, being grumpy implied that he was in a better mood at times, no, Aurick was constantly like this.

"I wonder where the kitchen is in this place."
He mused for a moment, being stuck on a plane for the last few day he hadn't been able to feed.

"Nope."

His fingers began tapping against Rick's back in the tune of jingle bells, humming along with the tune cheerily.

"Yes you are!" he exclaimed, his humming cutting off, though the tapping still continued. "You're always grumpy and I bet its because you haven't gotten laid in centuries. I swear, if you don't get laid soon, I'm just going to have to do it."

The sooner Aurick god laid, the sooner Fabian would find out whether it was the vampire's sexual frustration that was making him so grumpy all the time.

"We should go explore. I'm starving." That didn't mean he'd be cooking anything; no that job fell unto Aurick. Fabian could burn cereal if he was given free reign of the kitchen. Aurick was the one that made sure the Elf didn't die of starvation.

"Fabian you're not gay, though I could see how you would be confused seeing as you look like a woman." He reminded the Elf snarkily.
"And the status of my sex life is none of your concern."

The Vampire pulled himself off the bed and away from the Elf, striding towards to door.

"I'm hungry too."
He grumbled, skulking off towards the scent of food, leaving the Elf back in the room to catch up.

"Desperate times call for desperate measures. And trust me, not having sex in a couple hundred years falls into the category of desperate times."

Fabian grinned a little. "That mean's I'm right and you haven't had sex in years~ How do you do it?"

The Elf stood and followed after Aurick like a puppy, his head cocked to the side, blond hair swooping out around him and jewels and chains jingling.

"Do you just jerk off all the time? Who do you think about when you're doing it? When do you do it? I've never noticed before."

Aurick went back to doing what he does best, completely ignoring Fabian's existence, his eyes cast in front of him as he walked towards where he suspected the kitchen would be judging by the smell.

The Elf could question him until his face turned blue but Aurick had no intention of answering him.

His arms crossed against his chest as he entered the kitchen, heading straight for the fridge to see what the coven kept in stock.

"Who would you jerk off to?"

Fabian followed after his companion, tapping his chin in thought.

"You don't talk to any girls to jerk off at the thought of. Hell, you don't talk to anyone besides me so it can't be anyone we know personally." The thought of Rick jerking off to a mental image of him just wouldn't compute.

As Rick headed towards the fridge, Fabian hoisted himself up onto a counter, green eyes following the vampire as he thought.

"Do you have a crush on someone famous? That's it, isn't it? You jerk off to the thought of an actress. Who is she? Is she sexy?"

Aurick just rolled his eyes as he looked in the fridge, Fabian was persistent when he wanted to be, a rather annoying trait, though everything about the Elf was annoying.

His interest sparked when he saw the blood bags piled up in a separate fridge.
He had never had one of those before, just like how Fabian depended on Aurick's ability to cook, Aurick had usually fed from the Elf when it was difficult to go hunting considering how much they traveled.

"Sexier than you."
He muttered, knowing that the man could no stand women who were better looking than him, a small smirk graced his lips, taking jabs at Fabian was always amusing.

He placed a bloodbag into the microwave and took out some pasta, shoving it into a pot for Fabian as he started to cut up basil and pine-nuts that he had found.

Fabian gasped in horror.

"Sexier than me?!"

No. There just couldn't be anyone sexier than him. Fabian was the sexy. If you looked up sexy in the dictionary, there'd be a picture of him there under the definition.

"Who is this woman this is supposedly more sexy than me?" He needed to know and decide for himself if this woman that his vampire jerked off to was sexier than he was.

"Which one of them do you want to know about?"
He replied with a dark chuckle, the only thing worse than one woman being sexier than him were multiple women.

Fabian put him through a lot in the last hundred years so he took any opportunity he could to make the Elf miserable.

He smiled to himself as he prepared the food, adding garlic and olive oil.
The Elf would eat anything he made for him, the child had learned pretty quickly that if he did eat it, he didn't eat anything.

Another gasp of horror answered the question.

"More than one?" he asked in a choked voice.

There was more than one woman sexier than him? And Aurick jerked off to them? Jealousy burned within the Elf. How dare women be sexier than him? What were their secrets?

He bet the had surgery done. Everything must have been fake. No natural beauty could match his. The only aid he had with his appearance was a little bit of make up. He was sexy enough without getting a new nose and plumper lips.

"Who are these women, Rick?"