If I Lay Here

Aodh sat on Aeker'd bed for the first time in days.

After he had calmed down after that night he just couldn't bare to look at him. All he saw was what he had done. Emotion clogged his throat and tears stung at his eyes. How could he...? After everything the two of them had been through, how could he have done that to the vampire?

He felt he didn't deserve to be sat on this bed; in this room. When he hadn't been out in the forest, he had been in his old room.

He clutched at an acoustic guitar in his lap, tongue running over his lower lip as his fingers ran over the strings.

"We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?"

His voice faded out as he finished the song, tears streaking down his tanned cheeks.

Aeker had been down in the kitchen eating, he trudged back to his room, dark circles lined his eyes, he hadn't been sleeping.

The bed felt too empty without Aodh beside him, he hung his head and dragged his fingers through the front of his hair, he was a mess.
The lycan wouldn't look at him, he had tried to talk to him, tell me that he was alright but Aodh didn't listen, it was too obvious that he was lying.

He wrapped his black trench coat tighter around him, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
He had been dressed heavier than usual, marks had littered his skin and in the brief time he spent out of his room he didn't want anyone to see them.

He got to his room and went to open the door but the sound of music stopped him dead in his tracks.

Pressing his ear to the door he listened in, Aodh was singing.
He pressed up closer to the door, his hand stroking door softly, he wanted to be close to Aodh, but he was scared that the man would push him away again.

Once the music stopped he opened the door, standing with his hands tucked tightly in his coat pockets.

"Aodh..."
Her muttered softly, his own sad red eyes gazing over at him.

Aodh's head snapped up when the door opened and he froze in place, staring wide-eyed, tears still streaking down his face.

"I-I'm sorry... I shouldn't have come in here." He bowed his head, clutching the guitar to himself for protection.

He expected harsh words. He wanted them. he wanted the vampire to scream at him to leave, to hit him. He felt like he didn't deserve anything else. He wanted the vampire to hate him for what he had done because hating himself just wasn't enough.

"I'll leave..." he murmured softly, sliding to the edge of the bed, still clinging to the guitar like a lifeline.

The vampire exhaled heavily, there was that look again, the same look he had given him once he had calmed down, he hated it.

Aeker shut the door behind him and leaned against it, unless Aodh planned on jumping out the window he wasn't leaving until they had talked.

"Please don't leave me..."
He looked at Aodh, his eyes swelling with emotion, he refused to cry, he hadn't spilled tears that night and he would not do it now.

The thought of going any longer without the lycan made his throat constrict to the point where he thought he was going to suffocate on his loneliness.

"I love you, even if those words are not enough I-"
His eyes betrayed him as silent tears ran down his face, he didn't want this.
He didn't want Aodh being so distant and avoiding him.

He would relive that event every night if Aodh would just stay with him.

He sat silently, staring at the blankets as the door cliched shut.

His eyes flickered around the room, seriously debating throwing himself out of the window. They were on the ground floor, there wasn't even a drop...

But that would be cowardly of him. He had been cowardly enough. And the man's plead kept him rooted. How could he leave when the man asked like that? he couldn't.

His eyes slowly turned to Aeker.

"How can you want me to stay after what I've done? You should hate me; be repulsed by the very sight of me." He knew he was.

The declaration of love was met with disbelief. How could he still love him?!

What had him up off the bed and moving towards the the vampire was the tear. Had he ever seen the vampire cry before? Not when he had told him he had killed his family; not even while he was raping him. And now...at the thought of him not behind around, he was crying?

He wrapped his arms around the man and buried his tear stained face in his chest. He wanted a hug; a proper hug from the man he loved. something he hadn't had in over a week.

"I should be, so why is it that you are the one repulsed by the sight of me?"
He asked in a whisper, his lips set in a hard flat line as he tried to hide the fact that his lip was trembling.

He saw how Aodh looked around the room, he was trying to escape, he didn't want to be here.

The thought of Aodh no longer loving him flooded his mind, he exhaled another shaky breath. His calm demeanor quickly crumbling around him.

Aeker clung the Aodh when he embraced him, his body trembled against the lycan as he cracked, sobbing into the man's shoulder.

He clung to the man as if his life depended on it, his hands gripping onto the bright orange locks, he didn't want to let go.

Aodh's mouth gaped open.

Did...did Aeker really think he was repulsed by the sight of him? "Oh...Oh no, Aeker. No. No." No no no, how could he think that?

"How could I be repulsed by you Aeker? Never...." He buried his face closed to the man. "I see...I remember when I see your face. Its the memory that repulses me."

Tears streamed down his face as he clutched Aeker close, sobbing along with the vampire.

"I've become what I promised myself I never would. I've become my brother." Abusive. He had become abusive like Coilean and that thought made him sick to his stomach.

Tears streamed down his cheek and rained down on Aodh's shoulder.
He took a little comfort in knowing that it wasn't him that made Aodh look so repulsed but he was glad that he was wearing so much clothing at the moment.

Some of the worse marks were still present on his skin and he didn't want Aodh to have to look at them. Aeker had struggled and came out worse because of it.

"You're not your brother."
He choked on his words slightly as he tried to calm down his sobbing.
"It was a accident Aodh, I shouldn't of gotten close to you when you were mad.
It's nobodies fault."
He repeated, squeezing the man tight, he truly believed that.

It had been an accident, accepting it as anything else was too painful.

He felt pretty damned similar to his brother at the moment and that thought disgusted him. He didn't like being similar to his brother in anything more than music taste and looks.

He clung closer to the vampire.

"Next time I get so angry, I'll go out into the forest. I can't let that happen again."

An accident... Yes an accident was the easiest way to accept this ordeal. Aeker had been in the wrong place at the wrong time, that was all. An accident.

He rubbed at his face to try and remove all evidence of tears, though that would prove to be impossible. His face was red and splotchy and his eyes puffy. Aodh never cried very beautifully. He wasn't a movie star that cried crystalline tears. He was a Lycan that cried like nothing he'd known before. He looked and sight. And Aeker didn't look much better.

"Ich Liebe dich." It was the first time he had told the vampire he loved him in his mother tongue. He felt it meant more.

He nodded slowly, that was a good idea, he didn't want to go through that again, it was the only time that Aeker had actually be afraid of the lycan.

"Ich liebe dich, Aodh, mit ganzem Herzen."

He tears slowly stopped falling as he calmed down, his body still shaking slightly, it couldn't handle all the emotions swirling through it.

"I need to lay down."
He admitted, still clinging to the lycan, his head was dizzy from all the tears and his legs grew weak from shock.
He just wanted to curl up next to Aodh, he didn't want the man to leave this room.

He moved his head away from the man's tear soaked shoulder, his pale red eyes gazing at him as he brought his hand up, stroking Aodh's cheek softly.

His eyes gave away his exhaustion, they were dull and heavy set, with dark rings lining the bottom of each eye.
He had been lost without Aodh.
___________________
I love you, Aodh, with all my heart.

"When was the last time you had any sleep?" he asked softly as he guided the man to the bed, knocking his guitar off it carelessly.

He knew that he couldn't scold the man. He had barely got a handful of hours sleep since he had left the man, ashamed of what he had done.

The Lycan curled his hand around Aeker's as he laid out on the bed, pulling Aeker down to lie next to him.

He didn't want to let go of the man's hand right now.

You'd need every force in Heaven, Hell and Earth to get Aodh to let go of Aeker ar the moment.

"I bet we look a sight," he murmured softly. He had definitely seen better days.

Aeker opened his mouth to answer, he hadn't slept at all since Aodh had left, he had just lay in bed waiting for the man to come back.

He had ventured out only twice, both times because he had to eat, even then he could barely stomach a glassful before needing to go back or throwing up.

"How many days has it been?"
He honestly did not know, what ever the answer to that question would be his response.


Aodh leaving really did shake him to his very core, every ounce of him mourned and yearned for him to come back.

"I think that is a safe bet."
He replied with a small smile, moving in as close as he possibly could as he pulled the covers over them.

He felt safe now, in his cocoon of blankets and Aodh, he wrapped his arms around him, nestling his face against the man's chest.

"Seven days...? Eight?" He hadn't been counting.

He hadn't wanted to count. Counting mean knowing how long he had been away from the vampire.

Aodh gave a soft snort as he curled as close as he could to the vampire.

"You look like utter shit," he snorted softly. They both did, he was sure.

But that didn't matter. Looks were only skin deep. And they could be taken care of with some proper rest and a nice long hot shower; preferably together. He didn't want to be apart from the vampire for long - even showering was too long to be apart for the moment.

"A week then, I haven't slept in a week."
He didn't want to make the lycan feel bad, but he refused to lie to him, yes he should have slept but he couldn't.

Every time he closed his eyes he'd see Aodh walking out the door and he'd remember the promise that he had made Aodh when they had first confessed their love, that he would never leave him.

"You don't look much better."
He replied, a soft smile gracing his lips, this was normal for them, teasing each other, he had missed it.

He nestled his head under Aodh's chin.
"Don't leave me again."
The man was everything to him and he could not function without him.

They had the ability to live forever, and that's just how long Aeker wanted to spend with Aodh.

"Aodh...kiss me."
He asked, looking up at lycan. He wanted to touch the lycan, he needed to know that they were going to be okay, Aodh had to know that he wasn't made of glass, he wouldn't break.

Aodh shook his head. He hadn't slept the entire time? That was ridiculous.

His lips quirked into a grin as he nudged Aeker's shoulder. "At least I got some sleep. You look like death warmed over, vampire."

God this felt good. Just being able to joke around with the vampire. He hadn't done much of anything with anyone in the past week. Maccon had disappeared off - probably either to the cottage or to find Coilean - after the second day and he hadn't seen her since. She was about the only one that he had talked to since he had realized what he had done.

He shook his head softly. "Don't....Don't say that." If the vampire told him not to leave, he wouldn't be able to. He didn't want that to happen. If he did something so terrible again he wanted to be able to leave. If he had the ability to leave, he'd be able to go if the vampire finally realized how terrible he was and made him leave.

The Lycan's eyes flickered down to meet Aeker's.

He leaned down and pressed his lips against the vampires, eyes sliding shut.

Aeker shrugged slightly.
"Nothing a shower and a long nap wont fix.
And you do realize that telling a vampire that they look like death warmed over is a bit redundant."

He chuckled softly, yes he knew the old stories of vampire being undead were completely false, but he had always found the notion amusing.

His chuckled died down and he looked back at Aodh, his lips resting back in a flat line.
"Why?"
He muttered softly, he had meant it, he didn't want Aodh to leave again, he would not be able to handle it a second time.

His gazed up at Aodh and kissed him softly, his hand tentatively rising to cup the lycan's cheek, his thumb brushing against the blotchy tear stained skin.

Aodh snorted softly. "I dare you to say that in front of Giacinto," he chuckled. She'd tear the man a new one and tell him why vampire's weren't death warmed up; they were just ordinary people with with different traits to humans.

"Because, if you tell me to stay, then tell me to go later, I won't be able to cope." He shook his head add held the vampire tighter.

He was dreading the day Aeker actually opened his eyes and realized there were so many better people than him he could be with.

He leaned into the soft touches on his cheek, eyes fluttering open again.

"Aodh... I am never letting you go, I can't cope without you.
This last week has been hell, I thought you didn't want me anymore...
I haven't slept, I can't keep food down, I haven't been thinking straight.

I need you, more than anything in the world.
I would not of asked you to stay if there was any doubt in my mind about my feelings for you.

We've been through so much and yet, my feelings for you have never wavered."

He muttered softly, gazing at the man, his dull red eyes picking up some colour as his emotions grew.

"That's stupid," he murmured soft, voice wavering.

Tears welled up in his eyes as he pulled Aeker closer. burying his face in the vampire's chest.

Hearing that him so relieved.

He thought the vampire would stop loving him for what he had done. It had been the one thing that had truly scared him above all else. Even more so than becoming more and more like his brother.

"What have you done to me? I was never this needy before you came around."

Aeker wrapped his arms around Aodh's shoulders, holding him close as he stroked the back of his hair gently.

"The same thing that you have done to me, Schätzchen."
He murmured softly, kissing the top of the man's head. He had never been close to someone like this, it was all so strange and surreal, even frightening at times just how much he needed Aodh.

"I love you, and that is never going to change."
He cooed his words, leaning his head on top of Aodh's, he was overwhelmed with relief that he was back.

This was scary. He had never needed anyone like this before. Not Coilean. Not Alek. No one.

"I love you, too."

His hand curled into a fist around the cloth over Aeker's heart.

"If I ever even think about leaving again, you have permission to tie me down to this bed and keep me here." If he ever thought about leaving again, he'd be out of his bloody mind.

A warm smile graced Aeker's lips as he looked down and saw Aodh's hand bundled up against his heart. Yes that belonged to him, completely.

"I hope that day never comes."
He barely handled Aodh leaving the first time let alone trying to live through it again, it would definitely break him.

Out of everything that had happened to him in his life, nothing held a candle to the pain he felt when Aodh left.
He'd rather get burned by the sun again then go through that.

"Me too."

His hand fisted tighter in the man's clothing, pulling him down to kiss him again. His kiss was deep and filled with the longing that had filled him for the past week.

But there was no lust.

There was no room for lust tonight. Tonight he just wanted to lay with Aeker and hug and kiss and talk with him. He wanted to assure himself that everything would be okay.

Make up sex could come another night.

Aeker returned his kiss, letting Aodh taste all the yearning and anguish he had felt during their separation, he needed to be close to him.

His hands gripped onto Aodh tightly, as long as the man remained in his grasp there was nothing to fear.

He exhaled in relief and melted against Aodh's body, never again would they go through something like this.

Aodh pulled away from the kiss and buried his face in the vampire's neck.

"If I ever even think of doing that again, hit me. Fight back. Do something." He'd never be able to live with himself if something like that happened and Aeker just took it.

He needed to fight back.

The Lycan curled tighter to his lover.