The Broken Doll

Coilean laid on his side, staring at Avira's old bed silently. The collar still laid on his lovers pillow, waiting for him to return and claim it.

Four and a half months.

A lot had happened in those months. And nothing at all...

Coilean had gone up to the roof and sat staring at the horizon every evening for going on two months. He didn't eat, he didn't exorcise. His muscle began wasting away and his strength deteriorated.

At some point he lost the strength to even get up.

And so he lay in his bed staring at the empty bed.

It took both his father and his daughter to convince him to eat and most days they couldn't even do that. He was nothing more than skin and bones now; concave cheeks, sunken eyes, lank greasy hair from being unable to stand up for long enough to wash.

Every now and then Moe would come in and wash him, talk to him, try and cheer him up.

He'd been unresponsive.

Avira leaving had broken him.

He had become nothing more than a broken doll.

Avira didn’t know what he was doing. He still wasn’t entirely sure who he was anymore, or what he would do. Thinking about it, analyzing it, that was all well and good, but when it came down to it, things were not so cut and dry.

Nonetheless, Avira laid his hand on the door handle. Ignicio had told him Coilean was in a very bad way. Worse than bad. Broken.

Yes that hurt.

But at the same time Avira couldn’t help wondering if maybe now Coilean might understand how bad it hurt.

His hand brushed his stomach. He’d grown thin as well, though his new body wouldn’t tell you how emotionally and physically exhausted he was. His hair was glossy, his eyes were bright… He had tattoos around his upper arms now, but you couldn’t see those. A scar peeked out over his shoulder.

He turned the handle and opened the door, stepping into the room.

The Lycan's dull silver eyes slid shut when he heard the door open.

Moe come to give him another bath. Aodh come to try and beat him back into living. Alek come to try and get him to feed.

He didn't want to deal with it.

No food, no bath, not brother yelling in his face.

He just wanted peace.

Coilean looked about as bad as Avira felt.

The vampire said nothing. What was there to say? Oh hey I’m back from trying to work out how to recover from you SHATTERING me three times in a row successively? By the way I brought back the little sister I thought was dead hope you don’t mind she might be bunking with us till she gets a room.

Yeah. No.

The vampire walked across the room and opened the window. The panes swung outwards and the breeze wafted in, carrying his scent through the room. Coilean’s too.

He sighed.

Home sweet home. Now what.

He curled up into a ball, squeezing his eyes tighter shut.

Fuck.

He was hallucinating again.

More than once he had seen his lover walk in, or smelt him or heard his voice and he had gotten over excited. In the past few weeks, he had begun to ignore the hallucinations. He'd just curl up in a ball and pretend they weren't there, beating at him.

He wouldn't look up; he wouldn't get himself excited.

Avira wasn't here. The scent was in his mind.

Avira let his bag drop to the floor by the head of his bed. Coilean was ignoring him. Whatever. He didn’t care anymore. Let him be ignored, let him be hated, feared, destroyed. Avira would take what would come.

He flopped down on his bed, pulling off his button up shirt. He had on a muscle shirt underneath; a new habit he’d gotten into. Pulling off his boots, he let them thunk to the floor, then straightened them mechanically.

It had been a long trip. He was tired, and he still hadn’t decided on everything. Barely anything, actually.

He heard the springs creak on his lovers bed and growled lowly.

A few times over the past few months people had been stupid enough to go near Avira's bed and they had been nearly killed by Coilean.

That was Avira's bed. Not their personal chair.

Giacinto had even tried to move someone into the room to fill up the empty space. He had kicked up a storm and she, in a surprising act of niceness, had decided to keep them in their original room.

"Get. Off. Of. That. Bed. Now," he snarled. He was still curled into a ball, still ignoring that scent teasing at his nose, but he wouldn't let anyone near Avira's bed until the vampire returned.

“Seeing as it is mine, and Giacinto has proclaimed I am to stay in it regardless of whether or not I wish to, no, I will not.” he answered dryly.

Avira stood up, stripping his muscle shirt from himself, revealing several red scars on his back.

“Despite how much you may or may not resent me we are to, until further notice, remain in close quarters. So learn to live with it.”

He swallowed thickly and looked up hesitantly when he heard the voice.

As screwed up as his mind had become, it hadn't given anyone Avira's voice quite yet.

And there he stood, stripping himself of a shirt.

Avira. His Avira.

The Lycan just stared for a long while before finally opening his mouth again. "Avira..."

If this was some sick joke his mind was playing on him, it'd break him completely.

Avira turned around, shirt still in hand. Placid amethyst eyes gazed back at Coilean’s silver ones.

“Yes?” he asked dully.

He looked different. Scarred, and there were fresh bruises. Bandages around his stomach, and two tattoos twisting around his upper arms. Black, twisting things, almost tribal in appearance. Almost.

He pushed himself up to sit on shaky, stick-thin arms, almost falling back to the bed before he could catch himself.

The Lycan was weak, incredibly so. He wanted to get up and touch the man - just to see if he was actually real - but he knew he wouldn't make it two steps without his legs giving out.

"It's really you, isn't it...?" he murmured.

“There is only one Avira Naissance.” he replied. The name slipped out without meaning and Avira blinked. Naissance. His old name. Was he reclaiming it? Maybe? What was going on?

Shaking it from his mind, Avira turned back to his bed, compulsively folding his shirts and laying them on the nightstand, then flopping back onto the bed. He crossed his arms behind his head.

Just a moment later and Ignis and Caterva leapt up beside him, curling up together contently. Everyone seemed happy to be home.

Naissance...?

Was that...his real name? The name he had gone by before he chose Ravenwyte?

He stared at his ...lover... Was the the right word now? Avira was more of a... What was Avira to him now?

He stared at the man, curled together when his cats, for a long while before collapsing back into his back on the bed. "Welcome back," he murmured.

What are you doing?! he screamed at himself. Get your ass up there and grovel! Apologise for driving him off, beg for his forgiveness, ask him to take you back! Don't just fucking sit there, Coilean!

“Thank you.”

And that was it.

That was IT.

No questions no apologies no anger no demand for explanation. Just welcome back. That was all. Avira wasn’t sure whether he was relieved or worried.

Instead he let his mind drop back to Naissance. It wasn’t a name to be thrown around, especially in the bounty hunting world. Was he really ready to come back so to speak?

The man's shoulders heaved with a heavy sigh.

"Welcome back."
"Thank you."

What a thrilling conversation that had turned out to be.

He lifted his shaky hands to run through his lank hair. It had grown a good couple of inches since the vampire had left. instead of settling just above his waist, it brushed his hips. It'd probably look attractive after a good wash.

"...I'm sorry," he breathed, squeezing his eyes shut.

“No need.” Avira said, turning over. “I am sure you retain your reasons for not telling me about your daughter, wife and brother.”

He shrugged his shoulders.

“I am sure in your position I would have done the exact same.”

He said nothing more. Avira wondered if Shanti had settled in properly. Was she doing alright? She was the only thing holding him up anymore.

He pushed himself up again, shuffling to the edge of the bed, slinging his legs over the edge and bracing his hands.

The Lycan pushed himself up onto shaky feet, grasping at one of the posts of the bed to keep himself upright.

Coilean shuffled towards Avira's slowly on unsteady legs.

Once or twice he swooned and had to stop before he feinted, but eventually he made it to Avira;s bed.

He perched on the edge of it. "Still, I'm sorry."

Avira didn’t turn around.

“Do not be.” he murmured. “Apologies solve nothing in situations such as this.”

Caterva and Ignis looked up at Coilean. They looked…Somehow much more conscious now. Less like normal house cats, their pupils constantly slit. They almost seemed to know what was going on, their tails twining together.

He reached a hand out slowly, laying it on Avira's leg.

"Still, I should have told you about them, at the very least. You shared a lot about your past and I... I didn't share much, did I?" he sighed softly.

Dull silver flickered over the cats, trying to figure out what was different about them.

“Caterva, Ignis, go.” Avira said simply. “And feed, you haven’t in a couple days.”

Twin meows sounded and both cats leapt lightly to the ground. They would go stay with Shanti. She’d go exploring and they’d catch some unsuspecting animal to eat. Sounded good.

Avira turned over, then sat up. He leaned his back to the wall. His bare chest boasted four months of hard work.

“What do you want Coilean.” he asked. “Do you want my sympathy? My apologies? My affections? Whatever intentions you have I ask you to lay them out straight.”

He watched the cats disappear silently before turning his gaze back to the vampire.

What did he want?

"I want things to go back to how they were," he replied softly.

"I know you probably don't. I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't trust me as far as you could throw me." Sad truth that he knew Avira wouldn't trust him. He didn't want that. A relationship (would they even get to that again?) without trust wasn't a relationship at all.

"Will you let me try and redeem myself in your eyes?" The golden question.

Avira chose his words carefully.

“Things cannot go back to how they were.” he said calmly. “And you are correct, I do not completely trust you. I may not at all.”

He paused, then continued.

“That is not to say that I have stopped loving you. I do not think that at this point I could do that even if I were to try. But I cannot return things to the way they were and I do not want to.”

Avira sighed. He closed his eyes, lowering his head. After a moment, he looked up again.

“I want to be with you.” he said sincerely. “I want to stay with you. I love you and it is tearing me apart. If you think you can fix us, then you are welcome to try.”

The Lycan gave a slightly bitter chuckle. Of course. Things couldn't go back.

The noise died in his throat as the man continued.

He still loves me.

There was still hope, however fine the chance was.

"Thank you," he murmured. Tongue darting over his lower lip, he opened his arms, looking at the vampire hopefully.

He'd try. He'd try to fix their relationship to his best ability. He wanted to be apart from the vampire about as much as the vampire wanted to be apart from him. He hadn't enjoyed the last four and a half months.

Avira eyed the hug warily, then sighed.

Without a word, he slipped into Coilean’s arms, wrapping his own around the gaunt wolf. He closed his eyes, breathing in Coilean’s scent and relishing it. He smelled the same as ever. It was a little disturbing just how much he had missed this scent.

“….No sex.” Avira mumbled. “No sleeping the same bed. …Not yet…”

"I didn't think we'd jump straight into bed with each other, a stór," he murmured, hugging the vampire close, inhaling his scent.

The hallucinations hadn't done the scent justice.

"No worries of me jumping you, either. I'm no strong enough for sex. I can barely walk the ten steps form my bed to yours."

He needed to start eating properly. Start exercising and training again. Regain his strength and hopefully his physique again.

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My Treasure