decent into madness

Valora was sitting on her bed, quietly just tending to the weapons that hung on her walls. she had already stripped cleaned any guns, put bee's wax on the wood of bows and restrung them, putting new strips of leather around the handles for grip, maintained the sheathes of various blades, cleaned then, got rid of any remenants of blood that she was too lazy to have done before.

and right then, she had been polishing and sharpening the blades themselves, every blade laid out neatly in front of her. the scent of cleaning oil, bee's wax and gunpowder were strong.

however, she was far from peaceful, like she normally is, when tending to her weapons.

memories were stirred and brought to the surface.

as she cleaned the weapons, every sound of the gun cocking brought the memories of live firing training, being shot at numerous times and unable to die. the smell of leather reminded her of the tanneries and the slaves that were put to work at them as they were abused, their blood stirring her thirst and disgusting her. the bowstring reminded her that as a child she would always cut her hands deeply on them or have them rebound and slicer her skin open, only to get the disgusted and ashamed look of the family hat made her feel so small, the smell of bee's wax reminded her of having the stuff poured onto her hands at searingly hot temperatures, and she wasn't allowed to flinch as sun surrounded her and she was only in a small spot of shade. she was taught pain endurance through it.

and then there was the sound of her blades being sharpened.

every shink noise stirred up new memories, each time of her being 'punished' for a failure of some kind, telling her that weakness could be gotten rid of through pain, and that it was for her own good. she'd heard the long swords being sharpened, katanas, daggers, knives, smaller blades, and the blades at the ends of nine-tail whips.

her grip had unconsciously tightened on the blade she was currently cleaning and cut deep into her palm.

she barely winced and held the hand up to her face.

she couldn't stop the slow hysterical laughter rising to the surface and dripping out of her lips.

she remembered seeing it so much, all the time. her own or an others, she always saw it.

she never told anyone, but she sees blood on her hands, on the walls, the floors, the ceiling, the doors the furniture...and on people. she saw it dripping down them constantly, smeared against their skin and dripping down their clothes onto the floor, leaving blood footprints as they walked.

she hadn't seen that as much since she came to this place, but she was seeing it now....that awful red color


god how she hated red......which is why she doesn't wear the mandatory red outfits of the Morgenstern family.

she dropped her blades, laughing still and leaned back onto her bed as she watched the blood drip down her arm rapidly, past her elbow and dripping onto her face as she just laughed and smiled.

the red, same as her hair, bright and vivid and angry and loud and painful and ugly. she tugged at it non to gently and continued to watch the red spread, letting it pool in her hand before tilting it up and then letting it run back down her arms. it was the same color that shamed her continuously, and reminded her she wasn't like others....but a killer....a tool for others to use, to degrade, and to discard later, reminding her she was worthless and undesirable as anything other than a weapon

she was laughing loudly now as she thought of what had brought all of this on.

Alexander Drago.

well, not him personally, but his little demon.

the red he looked at dripping from her finger, the judgment of everything about her, then throwing her to the side.

just like her past masters


use, judge, discard...repeat several times.

she barked out her laughter now, eyes going wide and pupils small as she smiled broadly and not quite sanely as tears streamed down her face and mingled with her blood. that moment reminded her, she was never going to be anything else.

that demon had broken her little hope of trying to be something else...now she just felt empty

Lilim was on her bed sleeping. A book was sprawled out near her and her hair down and in a mess. She fell asleep reading a dreamology book. She would shun herself for the irony in the morning but for now she clung to her sheets. Her dreams filled with murder mysteries and romance. Her favorite dream was having an outing with her favorite writers. A masquerade, a tea party, all the fancy cliche things where there. Specific guys entered her dreams sometimes, for that she shunned herself. Luckily though, so far there were only two that snuck in. Avira and Alex. Aside form a romantic specter others she knew entered her dreams like the man with no face that represented her father and her newly found brother Sable. These dreams were always the weirdest due to her uncertainty about the both of them.

Lilim struggled to stay asleep. She didn't sleep often but when she did it was enjoyed. The noises of Valora sharpening her blades disturbed her light slumber, and not soon after the smell of blood filled her nostrils. Lilim rose. She new Valora was awake. She then smiled knowing it wasn't Vals fault she was awaken, Val probably didn't even know she was there. Lilim gasped at the sound of dropping blades an pears around the corner to see what had happened.

There she found her dear friend swallowed by insanity. She frowned as she watched her friend laughing wildly with blood streaming down her arms and even more upsetting when she saw tears falling form her eyes. Lilim knew the answer to the question she was about to ask. She steeped into Vals side of the room and spoke up. Her voice shaking in fear and concern "Val.....Are you okay??"

fine! absolutly fine!!~ never better~ i've been reminded of who i am! i'm a stone cold killer!!! *laughs madly* worthless in every way that matters and is just another weapon to be exploited!!!! *stands up arputly, not caring as the blades in front of her cut through her clothes and into her skin deeply and making her bleed, cutting into her torso, arms, legs and face as she grinned* did you know that all i can see right now is red and blood? blood's dripping from everything! every drop i have ever spilt is running down every surface!!!

her eyes were desperate and unclear as tears streamed down her sad grin as she threw her arms out wide, a hysterical look in her eyes almost desperate

she couldn't stop crying no matter how she tried, she just couldn't stop the tears that mingled with the blood that streamed from a cut on her cheek

Lilim didn;t know what to do. She could try an affectionate approach but.. .she seemed to lost for it. Lilim went through all the options in her head she could think of and chose one in particular. It had worked before and hopefully it would work this time. Lilim approached her friend giving her a quick brisk across the cheek with the back of her palm. It was rare for Lilim to raise her voice but she felt she needed to this time.

"Get a hold of yourself! You're not a killer or Id be dead right now. You're not worthless. The only thing you are right now is sad and pathetic. Val I'm your friend. Wallowing in self pity and acting like this isn't going to change ANYTHING though. What happened has happened. You have started a new life here. I want you to do something. Right now I want you to look me in the eye and promise me."

Lilim grabbed Valoras shoulders glancing directly into her firends eyes. "Let go of the past. Just throw your past away. It doesn't exist anymore. You're here now. With me, with Gia, with that Richard fellow. You're not with THEM anymore. They don't matter. None of it matters." Lilims elbows move outward, she wanted to embrace her friend right now but didn't want to move until she was promised this.

the sharp slap brought her to her senses slightly.

she listened carefully ,trying hard to drive back the red haze and shook her head

....i......i can't promise and make it certain.....but i can promise that i'll try....really try.......*pushing the red back more, realising now what a state she was in and how pathetic she was* i-i just feel.....so lost and empty........i don't know half of the time......just....just give me time.......and i might need help on the way

it took a lot for her to admit that she'd need help.......she never asked for it before

Lilim pulled her close, rubbing her friend shoulder. "I will always be here for you. If you need a hand I will gladly help you. I just don't want to see you like this again. I know you're much stronger then you're past. You will get past this."

Lilim had always loved to help. And now that she was here anyone she knew would be piratically indestructible. It saved her the grief and fear of death, illness and having to abandon them because she never aged. She love and hated having friend when she was growing older. She would always at some point have to disappear form their lives, but now she could promise to always be there and actually always be there. It felt nice to not feel like a liar.

"Wait...." Lilim was taken back a bit "Alex? What had he go to do with it? Valora what happened tween the two of you?" Lilims eyes dropped to an unpleased concerned. Could the guy she had like be the underline cause of her friends ill being and if so she surely wouldn't stand for it. As much as she liked him anyone that did that to another person surely wasn't a good person.

"He hasn't told me anything" Lilim frowned at that fact but she caught herself in memory that he wasn't obliged to. She liked hi and he liked her a bit but they weren't together and even if they became so it was much to soon to be sharing all your secrets.


"What happened?" She asked pulling her friend close, hugging her even more tightly.

*hesitant and seeming very young* well...if you don't know much, then i can't explain much myself to be honest.....i'm bound by promises........

she wanted to explain, to tell everything, but she was bound by her words.

Lilim was used to it. Everyone keeping secrets form her., but maybe it was for the best. If she didn't know what was going on she had no room to anger or upset.

"That's fine dear. If you promised you shouldn't tell." She smiled and frowned again. "Val... You really need to get cleaned up." She giggled slightly before pulling away.

nods once, sighing heavily

could you pass me the medical kit in my draws? i need to patch up first....

Lilim went over to snoop through Valoras draws for her med kit. In a lucky guess she pulled one open and right there it was. Lilim smiled at the coincidence passing the kit to Valora. Lilim very lightly started to pick Vals lades up. Val didn't seem like a person to want her things touched but Lilim didn't want her to accidentally hurt herself again.

Valora tried her best to not react to having her weapons being touched, but closed her eyes briefly before picking up her med kit and took out a needle and thread to begin stitching things up again before applying a salve and bandages around parts of her arms and torso

"So. Seeing how you cant promise the other thing an we promise not to mutilate ourselves anymore?" Lilim giggled.

Valora rolled her eyes and pouted a little

that was actually accidental.....and set it off again.......*looks to the side for a moment before stitching up the gash on her hand*

"By that I meant lets not go crazy anymore kay?" Lilim placed Valoras weapons in the appropriate places, she walked over to her friend lightly tapping her nose with her pointer finger and giggled.

rolls her eyes but smiled with them before letting out a near silent sigh

she chuckled weakly

you're a good person.....not many like you nowerdays

"Unfortunately not. But there's bad parts about being kind like me. It allows others to have an easy advantage over you" Lilim shook her head. Being alive 8 years showed her the ups and downs of being how she was but she was just to stubborn to change.

well.......anything happens to you, i'll make sure they pay.

she hated the idea of anything happening to lilim. she was like a sister she could depend on, and she liked how kind she was...she wasn't used to it, but it was nice to experiance it

Lilim giggled throwing Valora an almost child like smiles. She enjoyed knowing some one had her back when she had theirs. That was the least anyone could do for her right now with all the secrets floating around the mansion and herself not being informed of any of it, though she could only blame herself for sitting in the dorms doing nothing but reading all day.

"Now now" Lilim spoke, "I wouldn't want anyone hurt at my expense. I'm a very strong girl I get over things easily" Lilim enjoyed just fighting back at her emotions. With 80 years she learned that whatever is goign to happen will happen. Though she almost knew Valoras response. It was possibly going to be something along the lines of 'But I will still hurt them if they mess with you'. You know that thole it doesn't matter if you get over it if they do it in the first place they're dead meat. And Lilim was okay with that. Everyone needed a person to fight for and Lilim herself knows she wouldn't stand for a friend being pushed around.

OOC: The muse came back

i don't care.....they do something, they're prey. simple as.

her tone was firm and determined.

i can't do a lot right.....but i'd definately try with my new family here....i'm good at protecting, so that's what i'll do

she was used to protecting others, out of money, but protecting those she cared about was new to her. she never felt attachment to anyone before.....but like lilim said....maybe it's time to move on and start new things.

Lilim smiled, nodding to confirm her theory. "I understand. Id probably do the same thing for you." Lilim yawned stretching herself out.

"If you're okay will you allow me to go back to my slumber?" She giggled lightly.

she blinked and suddenly realised that she had disturbed Lilim's sleep

oh! i'm sorry....yeah, go ahead....i'll clean up and stuff. sorry.